Worst Opening Sentence Winners

We had a contest to see who could write the worst opening sentence for a story. There were three categories: Mystery, Adventure, and Romance. The winners are:

Mystery: As the man walked down the long street on the dark scary night that so happened to be Halloween but he didn't care because he wanted to take a walk tonight and so he was walking through the crosswalk and saw a shiny penny and bent over to pick it up but when he bent over a little kid dressed up as Michael Jackson shot the man with a gun that he had just stolen and ran away to go trick or treating.
---Brianna

Adventure: I jumped out of my bed madly singing in a squeaking, high-pitched and echoing sound that seemed not to come from my throat so I just coughed it off and began to sing again "celebrate good times come on" for tomorrow I will be in the Himalayas just like the Yeti in which I shall scare my stupid idiotic five year old monstrosity of a brother named Jonathan Jacob Jones Reamer and if I do, he will tell my mom until she grounds me because she always does what Johnny said to do, just like a master puppeteer controls the puppet into doing his bidding doesn't that sound like something all little brothers do, annoy the heck out of you until one person gives up right so in this way I wish I could snap him like a twig and my mom lets me get away with it too because that is something my brother does on a regular basis but all of this WILL change once I am in the Himalayas, ahh I can just see it now "You better not eat dinner or the Yeti will smell the delicious food in your belly!"
---Jenny

Romance: The very talkative woman and her very shy boyfriend were sitting in the park one day eating muffins under a pretty tree with flowers that were pink and she suddenly burst out, "Do you love me anymore? Because I don't think you love me and if this is going to work then you have to love me but I can't force you to love me even though I love you but you might not love me so that would be a problem but I don't want any problems so if you can love me than it would make things easier and problem-free with lots of love but there can't be love if you don't love me and I don't love you even though I do love you but you might not love me so do you love me?" and so he put down his muffin and drank some Vault and the birds chirped and the sun shined and the children laughed and he said, "ya, I love you."
---Kianna